30 Years Of Practice; 30 Years Of Lessons - How NOT To Partner

By Kendra Coleman

Our differences were pronounced and we did not directly acknowledge or address them.  There was little balance between Networks Company “need to know/directive” culture and Miller Consultants “inclusive/engaging” one.  Evidence of our culture/value differences manifested in various ways, including how we each went about:  

• Informing and including each other in planning meetings

• Involving each other in communications with prospective clients

• Acknowledging and valuing each other and our collective expertise

• Engaging each other’s observations, developing key issue summaries and analyzing implications for the client experience

• Discussing our perceptions of clients’ needs and how to address them

In the end, we realized that we must engage Networks Company staff in an open dialogue about our observations and concerns.  We came to this conclusion when the resolution of our differences became urgent.  Therefore even though we were in an environment that wasn’t ideal, we engaged in a spontaneous and difficult discussion.  We were all stuck in a car with nowhere to go and only a few places to look – out the window, at ourselves, and at each other.   As the discussion unfolded, we realized that we had been in disagreement all along.  While we had finally put more of our issues and our feelings on the table, we could not agree with sincerity that we would actually work on our own team relationships as we moved forward in our partnership. 

We said goodbye and parted ways at the airport…and that was the end.

Lessons Learned About Partnering

As business leaders, managers, and individual contributors you may be asked to lead a merger-acquisition, participate on a cross-functional team, or lead a project with multiple stakeholders.  As you enter into these and other partner scenarios, consider the following:

• Ensure alignment of core values.  Your first priority may be quality of service while your potential partner’s is profitability.  Your priorities and core values drive your decision-making, how you engage your people, how you deliver service, how you price products, etc.   The same is true for your prospective partner. Take the time up front to discuss your respective priorities and core values and how you will act together. Where core values differ, discuss possible pitfalls in your working relationship and how you will mitigate potential problems. 

• Agreeing on the ultimate outcome is not enough.  One’s excitement often overshadows the need to work out the details with the prospective partner.   Take the time to discuss, understand, and agree on roles, what you expect each other to bring to the partnership, and the process you will use in working together.

• Focus on learning.  No matter if it’s a new or a long-time relationship, pause from time to time to debrief your working relationship.  Discuss what worked well, and what you need to change or at least address to strengthen your team.

• Confirm agreement verbally, and in writing.  Some cultures value documentation more heavily than verbal agreements while others are the exact opposite.  No matter the context, be sure to find the culturally appropriate way to do both.

• Know when to get out. Partnerships usually start with the best of intentions.  When the partnership is no longer serving you, or your partner –let it go.   Of course, in some cases, you may not have control over when to end the relationship.  If you find yourself in a dysfunctional team that you can’t change and can’t leave, think about how you might revise expectations and draw tighter boundaries around the team so that you can increase the likelihood of success (at best) and prevent unnecessary  damage (at worst).

Note that many of these tips begin with reference to “taking the time.”  Putting effort into the partnership up front is critical.  Your chances of forging a good working relationship that leads to productive  and high quality outcomes will be increased enormously.